I don’t even know how to start this.
I haven’t been much of a blogger lately; in fact I’ve realised it’s been 3 months since I posted and I say that is because I’ve been so busy. A lot of that is true – before I moved to London I was unemployed and had plenty of time to sort my shit out. The last few months before I left London, and before we went on the Spain and Portugal trip (plenty on that to come assuming I get my shit together), everything just felt incredibly overwhelming between shipping things home, working full time, planning a trip and saying my goodbyes.
But also I am very aware of sounding ungrateful for every opportunity I’ve been afforded. Returning to Brisbane has been difficult but I’m very aware that it’s because I’m kind of just sulking. I didn’t get what I wanted so I’m sulking about it, and that’s not something to be proud of.
Practically, moving home has been incredibly easy. Expensive, to be sure, but there’s something to be said for returning to somewhere safe and familiar after being somewhere very different for so long. I kind of forgot what it was like to have lots of people around me who cared about me and wanted to help me however they can (as opposed to the small handful of that I had in London, who I miss incredibly).
And for anyone who does follow my Instagram (if you aren’t, you’re missing all the roadtrip photos!) you know that I have been able to start work right away again through a three month contract with my London employer, continuing some of the projects I started, acting as a freelance marketing consultant. Freelancing is something I’ve wanted to be able to pursue for a while now, but the time never seemed right. Now I get to try at least… and I’m terrified of failing at it.
So, so far this has all been a bit gloomy. And to be honest, I feel gloomy. I feel like I’m just going through the motions. It feels a lot like the last 2 years were a fever dream, and I’m right back where I started. And here I am, sulking again.
And I don’t feel right talking about it, because it feels so selfish.
I know people missed me, and I know people are happy I’m back and some people would kill for the opportunities I’ve had (that to be fair, I have worked hard for, but that’s neither here nor there). And instead of being grateful, I’m sulking (and also sick which probably isn’t helping).
So anyway. The last 2 weeks have been a whirlwind. We found a flat that was a good deal for us. Furnished apartments aren’t common in Brisbane, nor are private leases, but we found one; which is ideal for people without much money and without any idea what the future holds for us. We need to get back on top of our finances, but like, story of any millenial’s life, right?
And despite my whining it has been fun, we’re a novelty at the moment and I’m enjoying catching up with everyone. And, before I left Brisbane, David and I were kind of hiding our relationship because it wasn’t meant to be one, so now that we’re back it’s fun to be learning about each other’s past with the city we both grew up in.
So good things are happening. Life is moving on, the future is bright(ish) and there’s more fun things to come and adventures to be had. I’ll get out of my funk, I’m sure. It’s about flipping the attitude, right?
Your life is what you make it, right?