People have fairly strong opinions about nudes. People have fairly strong opinions about sending them, requesting them and who exactly is to blame when they’re leaked.
I have fairly strong opinions about it. My opinion is that it is in no way anybody’s business except the person taking the nude and the person receiving the nude. I don’t always understand it, but what happens between consenting adults is nobody else’s business. Please note my use of the word “consenting”: unsolicited dick pics are such a big no-no. Honestly, it’s sexual harassment. Don’t do it.
My opinion is that if they’re leaked then the blame is purely on the shoulders of the person who did the leaking. My opinion is that when Vanessa Hudgsens and Jennifer Lawrence apologise and try to explain why they took the nude, they’re sending the message they think they did something wrong. I think this is problematic for other victims of sexual harassment/abuse.
Someone asked me why people would even need nudes. “I can remember what my girlfriend looks like, if I need to,” he said. I believe that, as with anything, it’s a personal choice.
Personally, I wouldn’t send nudes unless I completely trusted the person, that even if things went badly, I would still have faith they were a decent enough person not to cause me more pain. But to be perfectly honest, having my nudes leaked is so very far from the worse thing that could happen to me. It would be awful, but I’d get over it. Of course, I’d also make sure that person’s girlfriend, friends, family and co-workers knew exactly the type of person they really were. Leaking my nudes says more about you than it does about me.
Either way, I don’t understand why people are sending their dicks and vaginas to strangers on Tinder or Twitter or Instagram (wherever kids do it these days). I’m not judging them for it (as long as it’s consensual, don’t make me say it again), you do you baby, but it doesn’t make sense to me. There’s no context for it, for starters. You’ve never seen that particular dick or vagina before so you don’t know if it’s any good, right? It’s not invoking a sensual memory of that dick pleasuring you, it’s just a ghost dick. It means nothing.
“But Laura, what about porn? Porn is sexy?” Well, thank you for participating, but this is what I mean about context. Porn is in context. Random ghost dick is NOT in context. It’s just a dick. I’ve seen them before and I’ll see them again. Hell, I’ll just Google medical photos if all it takes to get me going is a normal picture of one; porn be damned.
Because although I’ve never received a random dick pic, I honestly can’t imagine looking at it and thinking “Damn. That’s a good dick. I must have it.”
For me sharing nudes is a completely normal thing to do for couples, or for sex buddies, blah blah, however you define your relationships. It’s nothing you haven’t already seen and it’s kind of like “hey, remember this? Good, right? Can’t wait to show it to you again.” It’s sexy and it’s naughty and it can be fun.
And it’s totally up to you. Don’t pressure someone for them, don’t send them if you don’t 100% want to, don’t do it just because you’ve done it before and definitely don’t send them if they aren’t prepared for them. Don’t leak them, don’t threaten to leak them, and don’t blame the victim if they are leaked.
In short, if you’re going to send a dick pic, don’t be a fucking dick about it.
photo by Jairo Alzate
But as we all know, Ladies Don’t Send Nudes
And if there’s anything I’ve learnt from my relationships is that There’s No Such Thing As Accidents
But don’t ever Call me a Bitch.