a blooming mug of fuck it by Dirty Work Designs
Diary Life

Thoughts on Ageing from a Young Old Soul

a blooming mug of fuck it by Dirty Work Designs

In less than 2 months, the sun will rise on the first day of my last year in my 20s. 

That’s right, this gal is about to turn 29, can you believe? Complexion of a (very white) baby’s bottom over here.

At some point in our lives, we’re supposed to become afraid of getting older, even if we’ve just spent most of our lives salivating after it, which I did. God I wanted to be older so badly.

So, I don’t know if I’ve ever been afraid of ageing, but I’ve spoken before about the meltdown I had at 26 when I realised I was in my late 20’s and I had absolutely nothing to show for it. I had a full-blown meltdown and basically cancelled my birthday that year, sort of hoping the whole thing could be skipped if I forced it into obscurity.

So much has happened to me and for me and by me in these last 3 years, that looking back on that girl she feels like a completely different person. It was just so dramatic and, to be frank, completely out of character for me. Because despite deleting my birthday, I wanted someone to notice – anyone.

(Spoiler alert: nobody did. People have their own shit going on, and they don’t have time for other people’s drama).

Meltdown aside, I’ve never wanted to be younger than I am, and I mean that physically and mentally (though I could do without all the injuries). The funny thing is though, now that I’m an adult (???) I still think about adultier adults. It’s like that meme or whatever it was that went like “looking around for an adult and then realising you are the adult.”

But because of that old cliche that age is just a number, I sometimes look at people my age and older (and younger) and think “how are you my age/older/younger than me?” Because there are plenty of teens who hate drama too, and plenty of 50 year olds who still bloody live for it.

All I can think of is how glad I am to be done with all that. When I see people online sub-tweeting each other and calling out people they’ve never met on some minor shit, all I can think is “none of this is going to matter to you in a year or two, so just take a breath and move on.” So actually, I’m really quite chill about entering my last year of my 20s because I like who I am, and I feel like I’ve finally aged into my personality a little bit.

I am a proper old person, at least based on what kids do (do I sound proper old yet?). I honestly could not think of a worse way to spend my Saturday night then in a club, doing shots and not being able to talk to anyone over the music. I just think about all that money I could have put in my savings, and all the movies on Netflix I could have watched. I never ever want to wear a pair of heels again in my life – and I mean that from the very core of me. (CC: anyone thinking of asking me to be a bridesmaid, I’m gonna need a “no heels” clause).

But there are almost definitely people in the world who look at me, just like I look at those kids mentioned earlier, and think “goddamn you’re young!”, just like there are people who look at me and think “wow, you’re old!”

So this is what ageing means to me, which is, as far as I am concerned, irrelevant to your actual age:

  • Being comfortable with who I am and what I like. I literally could not give a shit anymore if you don’t like my taste in clothes / music / movies / whatever. I’m gonna keep on liking them anyway, and I am so damn comfy in my elasticised trousers and flat shoes. Honestly, you’re all missing out.
  • Becoming comfortable in my skin (work in progress). Everyday I feel like I care a little bit less about my bumpy nose, caterpillar eyebrows, pouchy stomach and chicken legs.
  • Being able to have a super fun night out with lots of laughs, drinks, and food and still be in bed by 11pm without feeling an ounce of regret, knowing I’ll probably wake up feeling fine in the morning.
  • Knowing that everything is temporary, every setback is an opportunity to learn, and every drama will be irrelevant sooner or later.
  • Honestly, can’t stress enough how little time I have for drama.
  • Having more parts of my body that hurt than parts that don’t hurt.
  • Knowing that I need to actually ask for help and attention if I need it, not throw a tantrum and hope anyone notices (CC: people I still see saying shit like “I’m going to wait until she messages me first, see how long it takes!”)
  • And most importantly, becoming less concerned about how something affects me and vastly more concerned with how something affects everyone.

Fingers crossed I remember how chill I am about ageing next year when it’s the big 3-0.

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